A while back we drove past a grape juice factory. It was a Welch’s factory, with large water-tower-sized vats around the outside of the factory, full of only what I could imagine as sweet, sticky, purple liquid. I loved it the moment I saw it. The sign on the chain-link fence out front read, NOW HIRING, great benefits, insurance and paid vacation.

I chirped at the kids in the back seat, “Hey, I could work at the grape juice factory, I wonder if they still stomp the grapes with their feet.” It was a joke, of course. But then it evolved.

The grape juice factory became something more than a running joke; it became a temptation.

“I can do this myself,” I say to the wind. “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

That’s a lie, of course.

After ten years of being a missionary, you would think I would have figured that out by now. But I am slow to learn—or perhaps slow to relearn.

So for weeks I kept throwing around the idea. Why don’t I just get a job at the grape juice factory stomping grapes? I have big feet. I could provide for my family. When I met people, I could say, “Hi, I’m Josh Hire, grape stomper.” And everyone would be impressed. “There goes Josh,” they would say. “He knows how to pull himself up by the bootstraps and earn his own money. He doesn’t need anyone’s help.”

Of course, the grape juice factory wasn’t the only temptation.

One day I was driving past the local grocery store and saw the guy out changing the letters on the sign, “steaks on sale” or whatever those signs say. I honestly pulled the car over and watched. Seriously jealous. I wanted that.

Not the steaks, well, kind of the steaks, but more than that, I wanted the job.

I wanted to do it on my own.

Because God has called me again, this time to work in leadership with Missionary Ventures, and I have said yes. I am excited about the opportunity. I am excited to see what God is doing, what He will do, and how He will use me to further His kingdom in this role.

But this new calling also means continuing to live by faith. I still rely on God working through our supporters to put food on the table. And if I am honest, sometimes I would rather not. There is something appealing about a paycheck. You work the hours, you get the money. Nobody has to decide whether they want to support you. Nobody has to hear your story. Nobody has to pray about whether to give. You just show up, change the letters on the sign, or stomp some grapes, and collect your paycheck.

It feels simpler. It feels more secure.

And it feels like I am in control.

One day, after talking about the grape juice factory one too many times, my wife turned and looked me square in the eyes. “I will not accept the grape juice factory,” she said. “God has called you, uniquely gifted you, and equipped you for something more. He called you out of a factory 10 years ago, and after all you’ve been through, you think He wants you to go back?”

That made me mad because she was right, of course.

The issue was deeper than grape juice and steaks. The issue was: Do I trust God?

Not, “Do I believe God exists?” Not, “Do I believe God has called me?”

But, do I trust Him enough to depend on Him?

Jeremiah puts it this way:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:5-8

The contrast in Jeremiah isn’t between people who work hard and people who don’t. It isn’t between people who have jobs and missionaries who raise support. It’s between people who ultimately place their confidence in human strength and those who place their confidence in the Lord.

And that is where I have found myself. I don’t think my temptation is really to go work at the grape juice factory. My temptation is to believe that if I can just take control, work hard enough, figure things out, and provide for myself, then I won’t have to depend on anyone.

And maybe that is a temptation you understand.

As missionaries, we are often very comfortable being the ones who give. We give our time, our energy, and our lives to the work of God. But receiving can be harder.

Depending on others is uncomfortable. Asking for support can make us vulnerable. Needing someone else to give can make us wonder if we should just find another way.

Maybe your “grape juice factory” isn’t a grape juice factory. Maybe it’s going back to a career you left.

Maybe it’s taking a job because you’re tired of raising support. Maybe it’s trying to make your ministry happen through your own strength.

Or maybe it’s simply the belief that if you work hard enough, you can make everything turn out the way it should.

But perhaps the question isn’t, “Can I do this myself?”

Maybe the better question is, “Am I willing to trust God?”